Gangs dont seem so scary nowadays..

     Maybe Im getting old but when I was growing up gangs were gangs.  Guys in wife beaters representin' their streets, their colors, their whatever.  You generally steered clear of them.  They were in the news for violence and other crimes that were frightening to think about.  In this, Hollywood used these happenings as baselines to create movies.  Boyz N the Hood, Menace II Society, Colors and other various type films that painted the picture of street violence and how it effected communities and their youth.  Nowadays.. You better put your son or daughter in dance class at an early age if you want them to survive the mean streets of whatever..



Step up!!

I mean seriously??  Can you imagine running into this gang in an alley and all of a sudden watching this well choreographed display of STOMP going on in front of you?  Do you hand them your purse or give them a dollar in the bucket that should be around there somewhere?  WTF?



Usually when I was a kid if you saw a bunch of people in a circle Oooooooo'ing and Ahhhhhhhh'ing it was cause a couple of thugs were going at it..  Now its like "Yo!! Did you see homeboy's sweet pivet step step pivot, leap, backflip then fall into hip hop pose??!!  That was off the chain!"  Oh it gets better..  Lets not stop at dancing.



Now it gets rough son!  Betcha we sing better than ya'll!  BRING IT!  Now kids are meeting at abandoned YMCA Pool rec centers to get their SING ON!  And if you dont Harmonize dont come at all!


Im pretty happy I grew up when I did because I can't dance worth a damn and when it comes to singing, Im only up to it when ive had plenty of liquid courage and its karoake night at the local bar..  Other than that, I guess I wont be getting jumped in.  Which sparks the question, how do you get 'IN' to the sing a long gang or the moonwalk kids?  Do you stand within a circle and sing and have an American Idol type judge set up? 

Next there will be comedy gangs who spit bad jokes at eachother.. Math gangs who throw out ridiculous equations at one another..  Oh the humanity!

Just so the 2012 kids know.. We were in Dance Gangs way before you were a sparkle in your dads eyes!



TKO crew!!!!

Later, I gotta go save the local youth community center by organizing a dance festival..

Dueces!

Id be the worst medium/psychic ever..

    One of my pet peeves is my need to know.  Once I focus on something and usually its something trivial or not important, I cant rest until I know.  The other night I swore up and down I spotted a guy from the news and I racked my brain for hours trying to think of his name.  So what do I do?  I start googling every news anchor in the Dallas-Fort Worth area until I find him and sure enough it was Evan Andrews with Channel 4 news, then I go the extra mile and email the guy verifying if that was him, he writes me back saying yeah that was me and next time just come over and say Hi!  True Story.. Well it looked like he was on a date with a young lady and didnt wanna be that guy sooooo... yeah...

Anyway, it leads me into my subject.  Recently ive been watching these shows on mediums who give readings.  Im a complete skeptic and as Dr. Sheldon Cooper would say, "Its just a bunch of hokum!" 



So I watch this lady and everywhere she goes, shopping mall, bowling alleys, McDonalds drive thrus she gets forced by the spirits to reach out and touch someone and let them know that their loved ones are here watching while they eat their big mac or try to pick up that 7-10 split.  So Im sitting there and and I listen to her ask the questions like "Who here had a loved one die?"  I know, very deep.  Then follows up with other feeler type questions like, "Was this person suffering for awhile?"  So it hits me, why these non specific questions?  If my loved one is really coming through why not just say, Hey so and so is telling me to tell you hello?  I dont like it when she does stuff like "Why is this person showing me a leash??"  Then the baffled bystander is like OMG my mom loved taking her dog for a walk!  You are some kind of wizard!  No..  No maam!  Id want to believe but come on, give me something more then that.  Then when she does tell them something only they would know they dont ask questions!  Which drives me nuts!

     First thing out of my mouth would be, Ok be specific.  What are you doing on the otherside?  Are you watching me the whole time?  If you do that kinda creeps me out especially if Im showering or sleeping.  Is the whole Jesus and the holy spirit legitimate?  If so, why are you not in heaven?  If there is no heaven or hell what is it, just wandering around the earth finding these mediums and hoping they come across me so you can say hello?  Can you tell me where those missing socks go in the dryer?  Can you hook me up with some lottery numbers?  Can you watch Warren Buffett behind closed doors and pass on to me some stock tips?  Did you understand the ending to Lost?  Have you seen Elvis?  Are the dogs weve had up there too?  Are you waiting to get reincarnated?  Are we all in the Matrix?  What do you do for fun? 

     I think thats why Id be terrible if I had those powers, Id ask real questions.. Yes yes, youre at peace thats great but I have a few questions.  Ive dabbled in the possibility of going to see a medium here in Dallas just because I think no one can convince me and Id have to see for myself because if theres one thing I can spot from a mile away is bullshit.  Its for that fact that Im curious.  Plus I really wanna know if skipping out on church all these years will come back on me in the afterlife.

   

Make Love, Not War..

     Isnt that what all those hippies used to say back in the 60's and 70's?  I used to think war was a serious thing, a bad thing.  Nowadays it seems a little less intimidating, everything in our pop culture world has been labeled as a war and if war isnt in the title, the show certainly feels like some kind of fued.  If I happen to watch a reality show and there isnt come kind of backstabbing or bickering I lose interest.  Who wants to see people coming together and working well with eachother and off camera giving endearing comments about eachother??  No one!  Have you ever seen Dance Moms??  All those bitches hate eachother and they hate the instructor (Abby Lee Miller) who they PAY!  Yes they pay this lady thousands upon thousands of dollars to belittle them and their children at her very whim!  Here's my issue with this.
 This lady doesnt look like any dancer ive ever seen and she dont look like she's light on her feet.  ~Give me that old soft shoe...  LOL yeah right.  Having her teach my kids how to dance is like having her be my personal trainer at the gym.  Same thing goes for that other disgusting show, Toddlers and Tiaras.  These women are psychotic, there is truly something wrong with them and the way they parade their children around like dolls.  Not to mention most of these little girls need to be beaten severely.  The way they talk and act towards their parents.. OMG I just wanna punch em in the throat!  Then behind the scenes you hear adults talk about other peoples kids as if they were little tramps and hookers.  I dont watch these shows, my wife does and unfortunately I have to listen to it when Im in the room or while Im sleeping. Its a subconcious thing.

Which brings me to my shows.. Shows that involve WAR!  What is war?  Well lets define it via Websters dictionary.  WAR: a (1) : a state of usually open and declared armed hostile conflict between states or nations (2) : a period of such armed conflict (3) : state of war b : the art or science of warfare.



Love this show, yeah the title cracks me up but hey, Its war when Dave Hester (Total jackass) yells YUUUUUUUUUUP!  I like how none of them really like eachother, drive the price up on lockers on purpose to the other has to pay more and when its all said in done they bash one another for their lack of findings.  Humanity at its best. 



Never watched this one but the title grabs my attention, these guys are fighting the whalers.. You know, the whole SAVE THE WHALES but Shoot the Seals routine..  Its a noble cause I guess, Im a little indifferent to it.  I dont really care.  Whats the saying?  There are plenty of fish in the ocean..



Wars about beards people.. Ive seen the commercials for this hillbilly hair showdown..  These guys actually talk shit about eachothers beards and mustaches..  Mines longer and thicker!  Oh yeah well mine has my body and bounce!  Really? 



Did ya ever think youd see the day where the show its pretty much UHAUL Wars?  I can see it now, if I were on this show my slogan for my shipping business would be, 'Take this job and Ship it!'  Catchy no?  The premise is 6 guys trying to obtain jobs shipping unusual things and turning a profit.  This is only as interesting as their personality and what they are hauling.. How many giant gnomes could their possibly be to transport?  Dont people already do this with their MOBILE homes???  Why is this a show?



Hello, Im Deadliest catch only its not crab.. Next up, Tuna Wars!  Followed by Red Snapper Wars!  Set your DVRs folks and dont miss another exciting episode of Crawfish Wars!  What in the hell!? 

They have all these interesting jobs they showcase, alligator hunters, bug exterminators, antique pickers.. Hell they even got guys that make cakes.  Ya notice that theres nothing else on other than these shows or the other shows that involve gay men that make sure we all know that we dont know jack shit about fashion or interior design?  This is why I die a little bit inside when football season is over.  Im going to sit down and hash out some ideas for shows that I can relate to.

Outsourcing Wars!  This show depicts how Indian companies vie for local American jobs by showing the fat cats of corporate America how much money they can save by shipping their IT department and help desks over seas and paying some guy named Muhammed (But goes by Rick when working a call) pennies on the dollar.

Weightlifting Wars!  A group of guys seeing who has the toughest work out routine and who can ultimately bench press the most! 

Video Game Wars!  A series of nerds fight to see who is the biggest, baddest and toughest in the world of warcraft and we the audience find out that and how they have no idea what a girl is..

Library Wars!  See as these librarians file, check in and check out books like the wind!  See who can collect the most revenue for their branch in late fees! 

Dog Grooming Wars!   Rush to your TVs to see how these groomers go head to head to see who can get this Poodle ready the fastest and in the best way possible for the upcoming Dog Show!  Gripping!

Buffet Wars!  Watch as this Obese family takes on another set of Klumps to see who can eat their weight in Dumplings and Fried Rice at the local Grand China Buffet! 

Now bear in mind It took me all of 5 minutes to think of that shit.. How long do you think these TV Producers spend on the crap on tv that exists!?

Studies show a pill may help...

     Whether its anger issues or depression or whatever I may have issues period.  Things just randomly bother me.  I watch people, I notice habits and even though ive been told in the past by my peers to just "Focus on yourself", I dont.  I hate that.  If I just focus on myself doesnt that make me selfish and uncaring?  Im not a narcissus.. (Did I spell that right?)  Anyway, people who take breaks before their lunch break bother me, women who abuse the rules set at work where dress codes are set bother me.  People who think deodorant should be a choice not a standard practice, bother me.  Its not just work or people I know, it's people I dont know as well.  People who take their babies out in 50 degree weather in nothing but a onesy.  People who drift into my lane while talking on their cell phone bother me.  Cops who pull me over and think im a serial killer from Kansas bother me.. 

I think its my inner Melvin Udall in most cases only I dont feel I suffer from misanthropy because I like people in general, im a people person but I dont like a whole lot of people.  Maybe this is as good as it gets for me.


"Im a disgrace to depression.."  I love this movie because its filled with one liners and im a sucker for a one liner.  There's a specific part where Melvin brings up medication..

Melvin Udall: Don't be pessimistic, it's not your style. Okay, here I go: Clearly, a mistake. I've got this, what - ailment? My doctor, a shrink that I used to go to all the time, he says that in fifty or sixty percent of the cases, a pill really helps. I *hate* pills, very dangerous thing, pills. Hate. I'm using the word "hate" here, about pills. Hate. My compliment is, that night when you came over and told me that you would never... all right, well, you were there, you know what you said. Well, my compliment to you is, the next morning, I started taking the pills.
Carol Connelly: I don't quite get how that's a compliment for me.
Melvin Udall: You make me want to be a better man.

I see that and I wonder, does a pill really make all your bad idiosyncracies go away?  Will it reshape my view on things and not have such disdain for everyday things?  For example and I know Im in the wrong here but... I just want to say, I love my parents.  Love em!  They are both unique individuals who have shaped me into who I am today.  I have my quirks but Im not in prison so YAY MOM and DAD!  Anyway, I always get the call to come over and help my father hang shit up or do something that requires heavy lifting, tape measuring, nailing, hooking up, taking apart, selling online etc.. I hate doing this shit in my own home and avoid it at all costs, what makes you think I wanna stop what Im doing on my day off and come over and do it at your house??  I make the stupid mistake of pointing this out to my mother who comes back with the usual "I gave birth to you and it wasnt easy" speech.. She wins.. I mean what can you say to the bearer of your soul when she plays that trump card?  Plus my parents love to redecorate and take down old shit and buy new shit and then call me because I have the SUV that all this new shit can fit into..  This is why I stopped buying trucks.  I dont wanna help people move nor do I wanna deliver shit that dont fit in the back of the Lexus..  But ok.. I have to be a good son.. The good child..  Just do it I tell myself..  My reward?  I get my pick of the old shit they dont want.  Do I want it?  Not really but ok.

I avoided a huge fight with my mother by just saying to myself that hey shes right, she helps me out all the time, and she does.  So im gonna do the right thing and go pick up her new shit and help her hang it up and tell her it looks great and be on my way.. What sucks is IM NOT an only child.  I have siblings.. Where are they?  Nevermind, thats a different rant all together.

Questioning Authority and Protesting... How to deal..

Ok well you've been watching the news, reading your facebook and tweets about the goings ons in our nation..  I see people are outraged and pissed at the police for using pepper spray tactics and other removal methods to clear the way.  Im on the fence people..  I dont want anyone killed or seriously hurt to that matter but if some hippy is in the street protesting their financial stance in life or some other government department but are blocking my path to work or another place I gotta be I may be inclined to floor it and plow right into em..  I mean seriously.  These UC Davis kids for example, what exactly are they protesting?  Ive searched online and all I can find is they are protesting for the Chancellor to resign AFTER the Pepper Spray incident so WTF were they protesting prior??  Seriously, I dont know.  Ok, so there they sit, arm in arm.  Most of them probably skipping class wasting grant money but thats just a theory.  Anyway, it clearly states (And I read this) It is prohibited to camp out on school grounds.  Ok thats a law..  I saw the cops try to lift them and remove them peacefully, they didnt budge.  Ok so at this point what is Johnny Law supposed to do?  Ask them nicely, pretty please with sugar on top???  Let me make this clear, I have my own personal feelings towards officers of the god damn law on my own experiences and even though I dont like them I respect their authority!  (That was my Cartman impression..)  I do.. I dont like it but if I know im doing something illegal (which all these UC Davis idiots know) and an officer asks me to disperse or to move.  Yeah, im gonna move.  I dont believe half these morons on wallstreet, Oakland or whatever school campus know exactly what their doing.  They're just doing it cause its an excuse, an excuse to fuck off and not do what you're supposed to.  Reminds me of some 'Walk outs' we had at high school over teachers salaries and other stuff I don't even remember.  We all walked out.. Why?  Did we really care?  Not really but if we didnt have to go over the mundane study plan of the day of what makes the Great Gatsby great, we were walking out.  No I dont pity these protestors and it leaves me with the question, what is law enforcement supposed to do?

I am all about having a difference of opinion and making your voice heard but when you start screwing with the average joe who does in fact work, who has a family to feed and isnt living on mommy and daddy's coin then I have an issue. 

I understand its every American's constitutional right to protest, yeah I get that.  Just don't cry about it and start a smear campaign when you break the law doing so and get dealt with accordingly.  Yes they pepper sprayed them.. Boo hoo!  Next time they taze em..

Why Boston is NOT on my bucket list of places to go..

I know what you're saying, Why Not David?  Its a great city with a rich historical culture heavily inclined in the creation of this great nation...  Well thats great, Ya know what I think of when I think of Boston?  Everything Ive seen in pop culture and TV.  I mean what if Im in Boston and I go to a local pub and order my beloved cranberry juice??

I guess Ill be forced to defend myself when some putz reference's his GF's period... 

Or what if Im there and I need to make a quick withdrawal from the bank and I walk out and see this shit?



WTF do I do then?  Oh I know, Im exaggerating..  Really, can you think of a movie thats positive that has to do with this region?  I mean I can see me going there, and having something like this happen and me being all traumatized and needing someone to talk to about my feelings.. Cause you know, its not my fault..



Then again, do I wanna be choked by my therapist while he tells me "I will end you!"  Ill pass.  I like traveling and all and I like to take my kids when its possible but I love my children and they are my life and heaven forbid anything happen to them but if they go missing in Boston do I really wanna hire a Casey Afflect type to find them?



Maybe im being to hard on the city of Boston, I suppose Im being ignorant because you obviously cant go by a few movies and national rumors towards a city.  There are positive stories ofcourse.



This was a positive story right?  Brother with a promising boxing career loses it all cause of his herion addiction, trains his younger brother who becomes the feel good story of the boxing world and makes a nice living doing so.  Nevermind the sisters and mother being depicted as complete wackos..

Im sure they were all really nice people.

You could be saying to yourself that all the observations and examples Im using could be thrown at NY and I disagree, for every bad one I can throw in..



Ya ever seen this movie?  Everytime I watch it I wanna just go to NY, find a book store and stay there all day and email..  Plus it paints the city in a positive way and to be honest, Ive experienced that and it truly is a cool city.  Sure I didnt go to the projects or anything but where are the Boston love stories?  When I think about that city, I think tough guys.  I think gangsters and rough streets.  I think that the 10 year olds there have a toughness behind them that would rival my own.  When I think of all this I cant believe these guys hailed from Beantown..



Maybe they had, the Right stuff..

Lately its just been one thing after another..

I dont know if it's the time of year or just a series of unfortunate events that puts me in a spin of not liking the state of things.  Not talking about my life but life in general.  The country, the world..  ETC..  Whether its sports, politics or reality TV.. It all leaves a sour taste in my mouth.. Allow me to divulge for a moment..

At the top of my laundry list of things that make me mad.. The Texas Rangers and the way Baseball managing goes.  I wont dive into the in's and out's of baseball but its game 6.  Your closer blows it, yes I understand but lets remember he was going through the heart of that line up.  Ok, Josh Hamilton hits a two run shot in the top of the tenth to take the lead.  WOOHOO right?  Wrong, instead Ron Washington does the typical baseball manager thing and instead of sending out Feliz to the 10th to try again because heaven forbid ya overwork a guy in the world series, no.. Instead of facing the lesser talent of the line up he sends out 40 year old Darren Oliver to win it..  Why?  Because managers like to do this thing where they play percentages rather than saying "Hey this Dominican can throw 100 MPH when he's good and loosened up..."  Nah lets send out the old man to blow it because he's a lefty and I feel good about him...  24 hours later you're the Buffalo Bills of Baseball..  Ya know what, I let it go the day after.  I didnt watch game 7 even though people tried to make me, I was like nope.  Its over ive seen enough and I was right.  That's That.

On to Wall Street, Ill be short on this one.  All these hippies out there protesting Wall Street and crying for a lesser money driven country crack me up.  Ive actually listened to interviews with these clowns about how we should all just share in common goods and money and wall street fat cats are a major problem in this country and we are to greedy in our wants for possessions..  Oh really?  95% of these assclowns are out there shouting this and that while texting and playing on their IPads!!!  Guess what idiots!  You are consumers, you are the ones paying 600 bucks for an IPad and 400 for an Iphone and whatever other electronic product YOU bought.  The only difference between you and me though is I have those things but dont complain about it, I work.. I spend.  Thats how it goes.  Bottomline is all this time spent on the street in your tents could of been time looking for work and doing more productive things with your life.

Kim Kardashian.. First let me say if you need someone to talk to in your time of despair and need.  Im here for you.  :)  Just ask questions and let her do all the talking, right fellas?  Anyway, what a train wreck this broad is, right?  Wrong!  Let me tell you something boys and girls, that is one of the most business savy women in the world when it comes to marketing your image and your looks.  Read up on it folks, she made a cool 10 million off that wedding, she didnt pay for it at all and sold the rights of photography and filming to magazines and entertainment TV.  Its annoying and disgusting when you think about it though, I mean making theatre out of something like marriage and love is done in bad taste but its the world we live in.  Is it good TV?  No, I find it annoying but it gets ratings for whatever reason just like dancing with the stars.  I mean do you really thing Chaz Bono was a better dancer than that Kristi Cavallari chick?  No but people watch for the same reason they look at car accidents and crime scenes.  Morbid curiousity..

Last but not least.. Fantasy Football.. I was recently told that I shouldnt mind my recent losing streak because, "We are doing it for fun..."  Let me tell you something as a man.. We do not play fantasy football for fun..  Whatever guy says that is either lying or trying to be the next storyline on a Miller Lite MAN UP commercial..  We play for the prestige of being the best, the money involved and bragging rights all offseason.  Fun?  So, getting to my gripe.  IN the future if I join a league and I see that commish sets it up where you get a point for receptions im going to have a problem because a RB who gets 5 catches for 0 yards (Which is totally possible) gets 5 points should not get the same amount of points as a WR with 1 catch for 49 yards.  No its not a conspiracy against me ( I see that now) and certainly no one is cheating (not a chance).  Im just saying mediocre play by a player shouldnt be rewarded.  Unfortunately Im in a HAVING FUN league rather than a logical one.  Its all good, Ive learned my lesson and have let it go after a comforting bowl of Pho Noodles at lunch today. 

Im a lock for the 1st pick in the draft next year..  So I got that going for me.