Ford Tough? Like a Rock? I think not...

Toyota is leavin' every other truck company in the dust.. Literally!  Can you say BATTLE TESTED, LIBYAN APPROVED??  I mean really people, every time I see a 50mm cannon being fired in the back of a truck by a Libyan freedom fighter its in a Toyota!  Now my thought is, are the Toyota board members fist pounding or are they clutching their foreheads??



I mean on the one hand, youve got your competitors showing off their vehicles in the wilderness, traveling through shallow rivers and rocky terrain.  Then on Toyota's side youve got Libyan rebels mounting their machine turrets in the back of a mid 80s model.  What does that say?  To me that says "Our shit was built to last suckas!"  Battle tested SON!


I suppose on the other side you could say you dont want your product associated with what's going on over there but its like they say, theres no such thing as bad publicity.



I like Toyota's slogan though, its fitting.  "Moving Forward.."  Yeah, TO VICTORY! 




Omg they found me, I dont know how but they found me.. Run for it Marty!!!

Who!?

Who da think??  THE LIBYANS!

Its Oscar night!!!

Well its that time of year again where we the little people get told what movies are the best and who's performance's were worthy of gold statue glory!  I for one watch every year just to get tips on what obscure movies to put in my netflix queue for rainy day material.  I mean really, I dont know anyone who's seen 'The King's Speech.'  Ya ever notice theres always that one movie from the UK with an all UK cast directed by some dude from the UK that gets rave reviews but no one here in America can tell ya jack shit about it?  God Save the Queen!  Don't get me started...  Other than that this year is filled with quite a few actual WATCHABLE movies.  True Grit, Inception, Toy Story 3... etc.. Although Id like to say there is a glaring snub in the best supporting role area.  That Blackberry phone from BURIED with Ryan Reynolds definately should of been nominated.  I mean, it got reception six feet underground and the fact that he was on the phone, texting and uploading video to Youtube all inside a wooden box buried in Iraq somewhere while being buried is amazing.  Thats acting at its finest.  Long story, I watched it this weekend and was shocked that it was 90 minutes of this guy in a box.  No flashbacks, no breakaways to other characters elsewhere.  Nada.  Just him, buried with a blackberry.  Break out the jiffy pop folks!

Ill be honest, out of the 10 nominated best films, Ive seen two.  Inception and Social Network and that one was just recently.  I dunno, I think from all the hype and the fact that Natalie Portman is in it..  Black Swann will probably win.  Ive read enough Facebook postings and internet drivel to know that this movie struck home with a lot of people.  Its in my netflix queue so... yeah..  Best actor?  Again who knows?  Id like to say Jesse Eisenberg for his uncomfortable portrayal of super geek facebook god Mark Zuckerberg but my money is on Colin Firth from that UK movie no one has watched.  Maybe even Jeff Bridges again but I think his debacle that was Tron will cost him votes. 

Personally my favorite will be the Animated Feature film award.  Not because I care but because of the nominees.  Toy Story, How to train your dragon and some independent junk mail of a movie called The Illusionist.  You might as well have Toy Story up against some dude drawing stick figures using a flip book.  Its not even a contest.

My only problem I guess with tonight's show is the fact that James Franco and Anne Hathaway are hosting.  The academy cant find enough money to lure back Billy Crystal??  I suppose its better than Hugh Jackman last year.  I mean watching Wolverine sing and dance to show tunes made me cry inside.  It just wasnt right.  In conclusion I can honestly say that my favorite part of the award show is that 'In Memory' reel they do.  I like seeing who died and the fact that I can say "Never heard of em" to most of the recently departed. 

Ok, lets watch the run on speechs and the band strike up queing the winner to get the hell off the stage already..

Award shows..

I haven't watched the Grammy's in EVER because well... I usually dont care.  Its always the same people with the usual outcomes and last night did not alter my feelings on that.  Ill just throw out a couple thoughts.  Lady Gaga once again, over the top with some kind of 'Message' in her arrival and her performance.  Ok, Im gonna show up in an egg being carried by odd looking costumed dancers.  Thumbs up!  Then Im gonna sing about "Being born this way."  Ok we get it, your mother dropped you on your head as an infant.  Move on.  So last year was a meat dress and this year an Egg.  Next year shes showing up dressed as Porky Pig, book it!  Shes going down the protein costume line.

Ill be brief on the Bob Dylan performance, if not for the surrounding bands performing with him would you of understood a word he said?  That was just nonsensical noise from a guy thats about two decades past his prime.

Ill just touch base on two of the top award winners and wrap this up.  Album of the year winner 'Arcade Fire'.  Know nothing about these guys and have never heard a single track.  I go on facebook last night and I see a high school buddy (Thanks Sevag) mention that he walked out of their concert in NY.  That was enough for me.  Who votes for the winner?  Oh and here's my favorite...  Best new artist.  Esperanza Spalding....  Ok, Ill admit her name is beautiful.  Sounds like a Spanish basketball brand.  Other than that who's this chick?  She was up against Justin Bieber and Drake to name a few and won??  After she won I see later on shes on the stage with some Youth Jazz Band while some guy is talking about the importance of Musical programs in schools around the country which is fine.  So she's next to him with one of those gigantic bass things plucking away and singing scat.  So Im like, ooooooooooooooooooh thats why she won.  Shes so deep with her bass and shoobidy doo bop bop shoo bop bop that how could she not be the best new artist around???

Cee Lo came out dressed like a peacock surrounded by the Muppets on crack and dueted with Gwyneth Paltrow on that 'FORGET YOU' song.  Why is Gwyneth singing?  I understand shes married to the singer from Coldplay but do you see him running out starring in Shallow Hal part 2??  Which they should green light btw.  The story could be Rosie has the surgery (gastric bypass) and how Hal reacts to it.  Two thumbs up!  Ok ok let me get back on track.

Ultimately I went to sleep after Katy Perry performed so I missed out on best Latin album of the year.  Dammit!  Please tell me Menudo won!!

Hollywood hitting CNRL-ALT-DELETE

I suppose there are so many stories Hollywood producers can come up with and eventually 'Green Light'.  It seems we are getting slammed with REBOOT's of existing movie titles we already know and love.  Im going to examine a few and point out some could be good and some are just mistakes waiting to happen.

Arthur- Personally this is one of my favorite movie's from the 80's.  Dudley Moore was amazingly funny in this role and the movie just has so many one liners that I can say in all honesty, my father and I still go back and forth with lines from this gem.  Currently Russell Brand is set to star and redo this movie.  I am on the fence on this one only because I actually like Brand and his movies have no dissappointed me.  The heavy UK accent, the off the wall comments that he clearly adlibs.  I think he can do this but we shall see.

Conan the Barbarian..  OK my brother and I will more than likely go see this only to come out of the theatre hating it.  It wont have the musical score neccesary, nor will it have AHNOLD!  From what Ive read it is attached to some dude that was in Baywatch... Baywatch??  This has fail written all over it and it bugs me because again, this is a franchise from the 80s that I love.  To Be Continued on that one folks.

The Crow.. 3 words.  DONT DO IT!  Leave the Brandon Lee saga alone.  Every Crow movie that followed the original sucked.  Just avoid it Hollywood!  If someone dies during its filming I may have to get another Tattoo.  Heh..

Ghostbusters, Im only ok with this if my hero Bill Murray is in it, if not I will utterly refuse to like this movie.  You cannot have a ghostbusters movie without DR. Peter Venkman!  "The next time someone asks you if you're a god say YES!!!"  Cinematic gold people!

Superman and Spiderman, ok both these movies are being done and Ive had talks with a buddy at work about this.  How do you reboot a franchise that was just rebooted???  I mean Superman Returns was done like 5 years ago and Spiderman?  They just finished trilogy didnt they?  So what does that mean?  Youre just gonna start over and retell the same story?  Do we as an audience wanna see a kid get bitten by a radioactive spider and discover powers all over again???????  Personally I think they should leave it alone for awhile.

Ok.. Mr. Vin Diesel.. Please sir.  Please stop living your life a quarter mile at a time and make some quality films!!  Im done with seeing this cat drive around in Rice Rockets avoiding cops with fancy driving and having Paul Walker by his side.  Dude, enough!  Get back to the Riddick Chronicles, lets explore that store some more.  Its original, its dark and its character has an anti-hero feel like no other.  Think about it.

Im just saying if we are gonna go backwards and use stories from the past, lets grab some quality scripts!  Lets leave the Teen Wolf and The Phantom (The 30s hero in the giant purple suit) where they are, in the DONE bin.  Lets reboot cult classics and do them right!  Mad Max, The Snake Plisken movies.  Something along those lines.  Lets give the whole Vampire thing a rest, I cant take it anymore. 

Nevermind, I read they are making Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Killer.  I quit.

But wait there's more! If you call now..

Call it a weakness, call it my own personal addiction but infomercials are and have been a huge weakness in my life.  Its been around for decades.  I think it started back when I was in Junior High and I saw a commercial for the 'Snackmaster' sandwich maker, I got sucked into this thing and my best friend and I talked my mother into buying it for us, we actually mimiced the sales pitch verbatim to my mother and I think it was out of laughter that my mother bought it for us.  We used it for a minute but it lost its luster soon after.

Then there's this bastard and the plethora of items he sells..  The knives (which I own), the set it and forget it(Which I own) and plenty of other things he pimps.  Even though I own the damn things I still watch the infomercials!  I cant help it!  The Miracle Blade really is the best knife youll ever own, I still have mine and its razor sharp, I can cut a piece of steel, some electrical cords and still slice a ripe tomato.. The blade never dulls ladies and gentlemen!  Do you see how Im programmed to know this??  ARGH! 

So now for my latest and greatest investment!

The Ninja Kitchen system!  It can do it all, Juicing, blending, make dough, crush ice and much much more, But wait if you call now they'll take off one of those payments of 29.95 and throw in the recipe book!  I bought this thing today and its on its way, I literally cannot wait!  Cristina let me buy it just so Ill stop making her watch the infomercial. 

Shamwow, got it.  Oxyclean, used it.  Simoniz Scratch repair pen, Used it.  Its weird though cause im your typical lazy American cause I watch the PX90 informercials too and we came close to buying it but thats a serious commitment and Im not sure Im ready to give all my "Fat clothes to my fat friends."  Maybe down the road ill commit to that PX90 but for now Ill take a different route.  Something about weight loss commercials, I dont wanna do the actual sweating part.  Heh..

Ya know to this day I still pine over Billy Mays being dead.  I mean, who is gonna convince me now that this product will be able to get every stain imaginible out of my clothes?  Who's gonna tell me about the special polymers that make all those scratches just go away?  Who's gonna sell me that mighty putty that could practically plug up hoover dam if needbe?  You're gone Billy but never forgotten!!

Sometimes I almost wish I had bad skin so Id have a reason to buy some Proactiv..

Don't Squeeze the Charmin!

Happy New Year Everyone!

Well, Ive settled into 2011 and lo and behold I have come across and new compelling series.  I gotta tell ya, if you ever think your life is messed up, just watch this show.  MY STRANGE ADDICTION.  Ok Case 1, This lady has an addiction of eating toilet paper.  So the show entails how she goes all day eating TP like shes eating Chips and Dip.  It was uncanny!  Ive never seen or heard anything like this!  Then I got to wondering, How many calories are in a roll of toilet paper?  This could be the new diet revolution!  Well, needless to say I think she eats more than just TP cause she was kind of large. 

  Then there was the other case where the other lady had an addiction of sleeping with her hair dryer on all night blowing on her hand.  I mean seriously?  You can't make this stuff up!  What a shocker, her husband left her.  HA!  Now what I found ironic about this lady was that her hair looked like shit.  Im just saying...  The episode tailed off saying TP Lady has cut back from 4 rolls to 2 a week.. Next thing you know the surgeon general will put warnings on the labels of Charmin saying pregnant women should not use this product and product may cause constipation.. Awesome!
So in short, The TP lady was heavy and the blow dryer lady had lousy hair.  Great addictions ladies! 

Next week its the girl who is addicted to eating laundry detergent.  My question is how is she alive?  Isnt that stuff poisonous??  I cant wait to see this episode! 

Its a tale as old as time..

Hola everybody!  Hope your Christmas was filled with Peace, Love and Harmony.  What more could anyone want, right?  We had our usual festive Christmas morning at my parents, kids had a blast and got pretty much everything they wanted.  Im happy to say that my Little Furry Four Footed Brother Monte was with us for one more Xmas.  Its amazing to me how this dog has continued to clutch to life like he has, he's like the George Burns of Chihuahua's.. Mom says he's gonna go when he feels its time, I say its going to take an attack from Al Qaeda to take him out.  God Bless Him!  Anyways, Ive taken in a few movies since my last blog, some good, some really bad but all inbedded in my mind.  This one sticks out and must be seen!

She's Out of my League-  This movie has so many one liners that I cant get through them all without laughing my ass off.  "Is there an artist exemption for being full of shit?  YEAH its called being a rock star, look it up in the dictionary, its there.  Its right next to FUCK YOU!" 

All I can say is this movie is a little bit of Hangover and a little bit of American Pie. 

On to my next though, women are weird.  Ill leave out names but recently it was proclaimed in front of me and a few buddies by this woman, "IM SINGLE!"  So we ask her whats that all about cause we have known of a relationship she's been in for awhile.  She goes on to tell us, Oh Im still with so and so but he hasnt put a ring on my finger so I consider myself single..

Man, why didnt I think of that?  Does that actually work for guys?  Well yeah it sorta does, long as we dont tell the chick we're with but it always ends up badly and someone is booking a spot on Maury Povich and paternity tests follow and ya have to wait til after the commercial break to find out if "YOU ARE THE FATHER!"  No thanks...  Like I said, women are weird and they get away with murder... Relationship wise anyway.

Unfortunately my spouse is addicted to crap TV so Im forced to endure shows like Teen Mom and Cake Boss etc..  Anyway, this one episode she turns me on to has a Teen Mother that lives in our neighborhood.  Now ok, before I go any further, I am not a stalker!  I just have a thing where I have to know.  So I start taking notes on the house she lives in, car she drives, design of the front of the house, the fact that her garage has windows (which is rare), the schrubs, the trees and any other details that may lead to me seeing where she lives.  I put all these pieces together and take Trixi for a long ass walk.. Im pretty sure her mother and her have a different last name cause I couldnt find her in the White pages.  Im just saying.  I think it would be cool to just be walkin the dog and maybe come across her and say Hi.  To creepy? 

In closing, Id like to say I hope everyone has a happy and safe new year!  I intend on making 2011 an EPIC year! 

Ill make sure to let you guys know if I find Ashley, her mom Deb and if I see the baby Callie..  Heh...

To Be Continued!