A National Treasure...

Ahh where to begin!  First let me say that I don't dislike Nicholas Cage...  I dislike his last 15 movie choices but I dont dislike the guy..  So I read he got into a quarrel with his wife down in New Orleans and personally I think to much was made of it, some onlooker felt the need to play a hero and called the cops for nothing.  How do I know it was nothing?  I don't but seeing how she wasn't bruised anywhere, refused to press charges and was a former waitress til she pumped out Nick's kid.  Im gonna go out on a limb and say it was just another man and wife having a little lover's spat. 

If you're going to indict Nick Cage and bring him up on charges I suggest you book him on the following..

Exhibit: A your honor..


From the ridiculous script to the really bad hair piece, this movie was trash.  I know of one person who actually liked this movie and its my friends wife.. Sorry Sammy..  Only good thing about this flick was the nicely tanned Eva Mendez..


I went in KNOWING this movie was gonna suck but I dont think its fair for me to fully criticize something I haven't seen or heard so I put myself through it.  Usually movies of this nature put the audience through the torment of world anniliation only to redeem us all in the end with some off the wall sacrifice that gives all of humanity another chance..  NOPE! We all die in this one and a hand full of wacko children are saved and dumped on some other planet with an Adam and Eve metaphoric tree of life ending..  There, I just saved you two hours of your life..  You're welcome.


Ok show of hands, Who didnt DRIVE ANGRY all the way back home after this one??  Anyone?  Anyone?  Its pretty cool how all these bad movies and their titles lead into really easy one liners for me ain't it?


Ok... I can't say anything quick without getting pornographic but you get the picture.  Not only is this movie about an assassin with a set of rules (I know, never been done before right?  Can't believe Jason Statham didnt get this role.)  But also it has the most ignorant name you can give a movie.  If there were to be a sequel what would you call it?  Tokyo Serious?  Moscow Hideous?  Los Angeles Hazardous?  I rest my case.



I know these movie's are clever and make lots of money and I recently read that NT3 is underway but COME ON!  How much shit could Ben Franklin and the rest of our sneaky fore fathers hide from us for centuries???  What's the tagline for this one gonna be?  National Treasure 3: The search for more money..



Again, another bad toupee and an awful script..  I don't think Disney even tries anymore.  They are running out of cartoon fairy tale characters to ruin so now they've moved on to live action abominations like this gem.



Now here's what I think happened, the studios saw the success of these films above and banked on similiar returns.  WRONG.. I break it down for you Hollywood in order.  Gone in 60 seconds was carried by the Cars.  Pure and simple, much like the fast and furious movies that film was all about the cars.  Face Off was more Travolta then anything, remember it was during his late 90s comeback spree when his popularity was at an all time high.  Cage just went along for the ride.  Same thing with The Rock, that was all Connery and Michael Bay and his loud explosions and gripping story... heh.. 

Call me a softy but my all time favorite Nick Cage movie is..



I used to ride my bike down a rural mountain road with my eyes closed and arms out stretched reaching for the sun all the time til I saw this movie.. Probably saved my life!  Thanks Meg Ryan!

Im comin' with ya dad!!!

     Now first off let me just say that my father is very much alive and so is my mother.  I was just taking the time to think about that today and thinking about people I know that have passed on.  Then it hit me!  Whats my headstone gonna look like?  What few words of enlightenment will be cast upon that marble slab.  I mean I hope its Marble, those are nice.  So call it morbid curiousity that I went out on the net and tried to find a picture of said headstone..



Ok so here's one of the few I found, at first I said I love my father dearly but do I wanna be placed side by side with him in the hereafter?  I mean what if I can't find the remote or his favorite spoon?  I gotta listen to him gripe at me throughout eternity??  No thanks.

Then I dug deeper, no pun intended and I found..



Not sure how I like this, the whole picture thing.  Im picky about that sorta stuff and what if I dont like said picture, can I object at this point?  No, I have to leave it in the hands of my surviving family whom I trust.. Sort of.

Nah I need something simpler but bold..  So I found..



Clear, concise, to the point!  I even like the Font, its got a real Times Roman feel to it and thats always been my favorite, none of that Italic shit.  Still its not quite perfect and Im real picky.  So I checked around some more.

Ok.. Let me say this.


If my family springs for this and this alone Im haunting someone's house til the day they die!  I mean really?  Talk about forgettable.

Now this is more like it!



I prefer these because they obviously stand the test of time longer, they dont get caught up in overgrowing grass or weeds like place markers do.  Not sure about the green lithograph in the middle but Ehhh to each his own.

Ive got plenty of time to think about this but for now I think Ill just stick to my original plan..  Just slap me into one of these and call it a day..



:)

Ok, its Twilight but for Werewolves.. Got It!

Who doesnt remember the 1985 classic Teen Wolf??  It was pretty much a staple of your childhood memory if youre a child of the 80s like me.  A quirky family comedy of a boy who discovers that he sucks at basketball (Had nothing to do with him being 5'6 and white) and he doesnt exactly run high on the popular scale at school.  Stiles ,his best friend is a fast talking con artist of sorts and his other pal is a normal run of the mill girl who secretly loves him but waits til he hooks up with someone else to start showing signs of attraction.  In other words, the girl thing..



Ok so apparently he hits puberty and BAM!  He's a hairy Michael Jordan!


So now, 26 years later MTV running out of ideas because there's only so many teenage mom's and obese teenagers they can exploit has now come up with the plan to create a werewolf teen drama and call it Teen Wolf.  Now at first I thought it was just a coincidence but after reading the premise and the character names, they are in fact going off of the 1985 movie.



Ok so instead of basketball they have chosen Lacrosse, yeah cause thats a popular sport the kids will relate to.  Personally I can't wait for the scene where he's getting pummeled and underneath the dogpile he turns into the wolf and comes out with the ball..  While everyone gasps and scratches there head and lets out the proverbial 'WTF?' he will then decide to take the ball and run down the field and score right???  Thus making everyone feel ok with his lycanthropy and move on to focusing on the game..  Right?  Thats gonna happen..




Ladies and gentlemen what does this look like to you??  For christ sake be real!  Its Twilight for werewolves.  Just call it Moonlight..  Or First Bite.  (Credit to my boy Sam on that one...)  Its going to be dark, brooding and appeal to the EMO generation.  You know, the chicks with the pale faces and black lipstick and the dead kennedy's shirts and the guys who wear their sisters pants and steal their mothers eyeliner..  Can't wait for this!

Personally im curious to know if the dad is gonna be as heartwarming as the original..



Until I see something else that tickles me..  Later!