Its a tale as old as time..

Hola everybody!  Hope your Christmas was filled with Peace, Love and Harmony.  What more could anyone want, right?  We had our usual festive Christmas morning at my parents, kids had a blast and got pretty much everything they wanted.  Im happy to say that my Little Furry Four Footed Brother Monte was with us for one more Xmas.  Its amazing to me how this dog has continued to clutch to life like he has, he's like the George Burns of Chihuahua's.. Mom says he's gonna go when he feels its time, I say its going to take an attack from Al Qaeda to take him out.  God Bless Him!  Anyways, Ive taken in a few movies since my last blog, some good, some really bad but all inbedded in my mind.  This one sticks out and must be seen!

She's Out of my League-  This movie has so many one liners that I cant get through them all without laughing my ass off.  "Is there an artist exemption for being full of shit?  YEAH its called being a rock star, look it up in the dictionary, its there.  Its right next to FUCK YOU!" 

All I can say is this movie is a little bit of Hangover and a little bit of American Pie. 

On to my next though, women are weird.  Ill leave out names but recently it was proclaimed in front of me and a few buddies by this woman, "IM SINGLE!"  So we ask her whats that all about cause we have known of a relationship she's been in for awhile.  She goes on to tell us, Oh Im still with so and so but he hasnt put a ring on my finger so I consider myself single..

Man, why didnt I think of that?  Does that actually work for guys?  Well yeah it sorta does, long as we dont tell the chick we're with but it always ends up badly and someone is booking a spot on Maury Povich and paternity tests follow and ya have to wait til after the commercial break to find out if "YOU ARE THE FATHER!"  No thanks...  Like I said, women are weird and they get away with murder... Relationship wise anyway.

Unfortunately my spouse is addicted to crap TV so Im forced to endure shows like Teen Mom and Cake Boss etc..  Anyway, this one episode she turns me on to has a Teen Mother that lives in our neighborhood.  Now ok, before I go any further, I am not a stalker!  I just have a thing where I have to know.  So I start taking notes on the house she lives in, car she drives, design of the front of the house, the fact that her garage has windows (which is rare), the schrubs, the trees and any other details that may lead to me seeing where she lives.  I put all these pieces together and take Trixi for a long ass walk.. Im pretty sure her mother and her have a different last name cause I couldnt find her in the White pages.  Im just saying.  I think it would be cool to just be walkin the dog and maybe come across her and say Hi.  To creepy? 

In closing, Id like to say I hope everyone has a happy and safe new year!  I intend on making 2011 an EPIC year! 

Ill make sure to let you guys know if I find Ashley, her mom Deb and if I see the baby Callie..  Heh...

To Be Continued!

Fail! Whats in your wallet??

We turn on the TV and we see commercials all the time right?  Well one that stands out is the Capital One commercials, the whole Viking theme and the constant "Whats in your wallet?!"  Well let me tell you what a sham this company is.  Im Xmas shopping yesterday and I know how much money I got on my card so I start firing up the plastic and boom, Denied, Declined!  Wait, What?  So I call, double check.  Got plenty of money on it.  Then I call customer support and I tell you what folks, If this idiot who said her name was Joanne (More like Babitha or Bala, dont ask I googled common indian names for girls) told me "Im so sorry to hear that Ill help you" one more time I was gonna choke somebody.  Dont you hate these scripts they read from?  Plus they are so condescending, she starts with the whole "Let me look at your limit" crap and I told her I know how much I got.  Fail!  So after I chew her out I say let me talk to the manager please, meanwhile everyone in the store is staring at me because Im not a quiet person when Im annoyed and hungry.  I was both, bad combo!  Anyway the manager starts saying :hey, you should have no problem charging what you want, your account is fine!"  Well thank you captain obvious, let me run the transaction again!  Failed again!  Theres nothing more frustrating then hearing the person on the other line saying, "I dont know what to tell you, it should go through, it must be a problem on their side."  Whats frustrating is I know what shes doing, shes trying to get me off the phone.  Finally I said to hell with it and just paid cash. 

I feel cheated, isnt Xmas about charging and racking up bills and all the joy that comes with it?  If I could ever find a nativity set that had a little baby credit card in the manger with all the shephard's looking over it, that'd be awesome. 

On a side note, I saw something strange this morning and just had to share.  I take my oldest daughter to school everyday Im off and we do breakfast.  So today at Mickey D's I notice they have a Xmas tree inside next to the registers which is cool, ya know.  Ronald McDonald gettin' down with the holidays.  Good Stuff.  What I couldnt and still dont understand is why behind the tree did they have a portrait of Barbara Streisand?  Its kind of a conflict isnt it?  I mean, shes Jewish.  Quite possibly the most famous Jew of our time next to Jerry Seinfeld.  I just thought it was odd, a picture of her behind a XMas tree.

If I go into a Jewelry store and there's a Menorah with a picture of George Bush behind it, Im running for my life.

Happy Holidays to all!

Random thoughts at its best..

Went to have lunch with my 8 year old today and I was running a little late so I was rushing.  So I get to the Wendy's and there's this lady in a minivan hanging out of the window with a piece of paper reading a slew of orders.  FML right?  So after shes done I pull up and I get the usual "Welcome to Wendy's can I take your order please?'  I rattle off what I need then I hear after I finish, "Hold on"  Then not thinking I fire off a tirade saying "Are you fucking serious?  What'd ya ask me what I wanted if you werent ready???"  Dammit, and I after I said I was like "Shit I know they heard that..."  Last thing ya ever wanna do is piss of people who handle your food.  He got on shortly after that and had me repeat my order and was apologetic but still..  After I got my kids food I said "Happy Holidays!!"  Think that made up for it??  Plus I sit down with Jazzy and she's eating and I go into some kind of zone, I cant explain it but I just start singing.  Dont ask.. So I caught myself singing Meatloaf's 'I would do anything for love, but I wont do that."  Right when I get to the 'Pray to the gods of sex and drugs and rock and roll' part I notice I have like 3 sets of parents staring at me.  Whatever..  :)

So after lunch got home and started flipping channels and I have this new cable channel called the Palladia channel.  Its pretty cool, they show live concerts and what not.  So I flip to it cause I notice Purple Rain is starting at 1pm so I cant miss out on that.  Anyway, I catch the end of the NKOTB concert.  Now remember this is a new channel and its in HD so the clarity is goooood!  Anyway, the concerts wrapping up and they are panning throughout the audience and I cant help but laugh.  Every broad that followed these clowns in the 80s was there.  Nevermind the fact these dudes are average at best when it comes to singing, Id say the overall HOTNESS of their female following has pretty much died out.  I mean damn!  One of the chicks looked like my kids cafeteria lady.  Nuff said!  Way to keep Hangin' tough boys!

Last but not least, before Purple Rain starts a Justin Beiber video comes on, I know right.  Turn in your man card David.  Call it morbid curiousity, that and my 3 year old loves this Baby song.  So shes singing along with it, Hell she even knows the damn Ludacris Rap part, I was like are you friggin' kidding me Jaedyn???  So Im watching this video with her and I dunno guys, I dont remember rolling with my boys to the bowling alley and breaking out in coordinated, choreographed dance to impress a bunch of chicks, is this how they do it now??  This is why I have trouble grasping today's pop culture.  You got 12 year olds pimping the likes of Kim Kardashian, singers wearing meat dresses to award shows and enough reality shows on TV where you cant tell Fiction and Non-Fiction apart anymore.

Now if youll excuse me, Im going to go purify myself in the water of Lake Minnetonka..

What questions you SHOULD NOT ask friends in front of your wife..

Last night ladies and gentlemen was fun!  A night out with some friends followed by drinks and poker at a buddy's house.  So as these nights go, people get a bunch of drinks in them and ya start talking about anything.  So I noticed my friend JP always comes to these poker parties without his significant other.  So being the idiot I am and not waiting for Cristina's smoke break.  I asked JP right in front of her, "JP how is it you get out all the time without your wife?  Tell me cause I really want to know."  Next thing you know, two laser beams are firing out of my wife's eyes and into my skull..  "Excuse me David???  Did you just ask him how he gets out without his wife??  Why do you want to know??"  Whole drive home I heard this..  I wanted to know ofcourse cause me, Id wanna spend as much time with my wife as possible and I couldnt fathom why JP was out without his lovely wife.  Enquiring minds wanted to know, I tried to explain this to my Cristina but there was no consoling her and the fact that she was craving Taco Bell and there was none to be found only added to my problems. 

So today, we are watching Private parts (The Howard Stern movie) and I told her this is what I should of done with my life, been a DJ and just talk about anything and everything regardless of the FCC.  My dedicated wife quickly responds, "I have no problem telling you that we would not be married if you had a job as a DJ."  Im puzzled, what would be wrong with me interviewing Porn stars, Musicians and other interesting people in this world?  I would simply be doing my job.  I think I missed my calling.

Well, have a good weekend and thanks JP!  Youve inspired me for greater things!

Skepticism

Today's blog is definately inspired by my father.  He sends me these daily quotes of inpiration and today's Helen Keller quote kinda got me thinking.  Did someone who was blind and deaf really fire off all these saying's of human perserverance?  I want to believe that someone who felt their way through life came up with all this but come on!!!  Really?  Ive watched the Miracle Worker, I dont buy it.  Anyone who smashes their food like that surely cant be capable of telling me
"Be of good cheer. Do not think of today's failures, but of the success that may come tomorrow. You have set yourself a difficult task, but you will succeed if you persevere; and you will find a joy in overcoming obstacles." 

She came up with that how? 

This ranks up there with Us landing on the moon.  Nope, dont buy it.  Oswald being the lone gunman.  Yeah right!  It was a weather balloon not an alien space craft, Ok..  Taylor Hicks beating out Daughtry on Americal Idol, Do you follow me?

I think people believe to much of what they read.  Its not cause they're stupid its just cause we WANT TO believe.  All the violent and horrible news that we get spoon fed to us every day, we want to hear improbable things and have that shine some kind of hope on our dreary lives.  Personally I dont need it, I prefer the truth, good or bad.  Keep it real!  Find the humor in it, I know I do.

Til next time True Believers!

The Happiest and Scariest place on earth!!

Well boys and girls, the family and I are back from the Magic Kingdom!  It was truly an experience the kids will never forget and I know Ill never forget.  "Ill take 4 corn dogs please."  "That'll be 17 dollars please.."  Thats a true story, I sure did tell the kids to chew their corn dogs slowly.  Its also a different experience when you go with someone who has a scooter and a disabled pass, apparently you can just go to the front of the line.  Love ya Nana!  I told my mother we arent going back until she's using a walker or has a scooter of her own.  Heh..  Having been to both Disney's I found myself comparing the two, comparing the layouts and the rides and all the nuances.  My oldest daughter and I spent alot of time talking about the differences but the one thing we both agreed on is the prices sure are the same.  I bought myself anything but my usual Disney Beanie.  Everytime I go, i get a new one.  Its kind of a tradition.  Other than that the girls got the usual Disney bracelet junk and a few T-Shirts.  I have to say I miss the old Pirates of the Carribean.  This new one is all about Jack Sparrow and it doesnt have the same feel.  Seems more hollywood which I dont like.  Space mountain was still great but Im gonna say it, I sure was dissappointed that Captain EO and Star Tours are no longer there.  Sorry, I liked those two.  Sue me! 

Well dont let me leave out we did Universal!  Heaven forbid my Jordyn not experience the Harry Potter attraction!

Jordyn will tell you this was her favorite part of the day, after this she was like Ok Im good!  Universal is a little different from what I remember but then again its been about 25 years since Ive been to the Florida one.  Im pretty sure ive forever traumatized my youngest daughter due to all the scary boat rides.  Jaws, the Amazon boat ride, Pirates of the Caribbean..  By the time we got to Its a Small world I didnt know how she was gonna react.. Fortunately she loved it and the constant song of ITS A SMALL SMALL WORLD brought nothing but a big smile to her face.

When Nerds Collide!!!

      So I hear face book is coming out with its own email, dubbed the GMail killer..  Really??  Ya know when I was a kid there was real drama in the world, real battles.  Reagan demanding Gorbachev to "Tear down that wall!!"  McDonald's Vs Burger king, Hell even Coke and the Pepsi challenge.  Nowadays we got one geek telling another geek, "My email is gonna be better than yours!"  Whats next?  Your Motherboard so fat jokes?  I'm a creature of habit, once I find something I pretty much stick with it.  I don't like change.  Call it a flaw...  Why would I dump my GMail and jump to another site?  Do you know what a pain in the ass that is nowadays?  Id have to email everyone that I know and say hey, don't use the one you been using for years and reach me hear.  Then going through all your online set ups, banks, credit cards, XBox Live and god knows what else and updating your info there.  Its like moving, it sounds good but after all is said in done you're spent and don't wanna move anymore... Literally.

In other random thoughts..

I read they are making a TOP GUN 2 and Tom Cruise has confirmed he will be in it.  Oh boy I cant wait to see if they get Kelly McGillis to reprise her role!!  Ironic her call sign was 'Charlie', she's a civilian so you DO NOT SALUTE HER!  Crank the Berlin!!

Movie execs announce that the follow up to Wolverine: Origin movie will not be a sequel but a stand alone story about the Adamantium laced bones anti-hero..  OK just so we're clear, its a movie with the same character, same universe and obviously follows the initial movie time wise and its NOT a sequel.  Too deep for me.

Until next time..

A little Splice of heaven...

     OK so Cristina is out of town and I'm home alone watching movies I know she'd never watch and first up was SPLICE..  I just got done with it and I gotta say, I was disturbed and left feeling uncomfortable with this whole movie and I think that's exactly what they were going for.  Ill leave out all the details but basically a couple geneticists splice some Human DNA and throw in some of this and some of that and voila'!!  Bald creepy chick who doesn't speak but chirps and has a tail with a stinger barb attached.  It goes from weird to weirder.  Adrien Brody was in it so I figured that was enough credibility for me.  Aside from that and the disturbing outcome I started thinking that even though this is fiction it would not surprise me at all if this kind of shit is going down in some government bunker somewhere. 

   I don't think its outside the realm of possibilities, didn't someone clone a sheep or something?  I read that they combined some spider DNA with said sheep so the sheep would produce spider web hair instead of wool.  True story, its not the Stella Artois talking!  (Thanks Dad!)  Anyway, so I'm sitting in the dark with my trusty companion (Sadie the Golden Retriever on loan from the in laws) and finding myself a little bit jumpy.  Woohoo just the feeling I was going for!!  Plus the sun's starting to go down so that only adds to my imaginary dread.  Well on to the next flick, the rebooted NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET!! 

I'm a glutton for punishment!!

Trends and Comparisons..

     Every generation I suppose have people that set a trend and spark some kind of fashion wave.  You look in the magazine's and see what they wear and its considered "In".  The Lady Gaga's and Taylor Swift's of the world are setting examples for people to follow.  I remember in my day it was Michael Jackson and Prince.  Now to be honest with you, I don't remember alot of brotha's wearing red jackets with zippers and blouses with purple overcoats, but hey that was considered cool.  I do remember Jerry Curl's though, hell even Ice Cube had one while he was rollin' with NWA.  Whatever happened to the curl?  Did people one day wake up and say "I'm tired of having to wash my pillow case everyday?"  The world may never know. 

  I'm trying to remember what fashion statement famous Latinos made back in the day but really, its the same one they make today.  I mean, would a Latina wear a meat dress to an award show like Lady Gaga to make some kind of statement??  Esta Loca!  Are you kidding me?  Her father would give her a putaso (Latino equivalent for a smack upside your head) for wasting all that carne. 

     I sometimes sit and watch the shows my older girls watch and they follow these shows like 'Sonny with a Chance' and 'ICarly' and they are basically the Kids Inc. of today.  If you don't know what Kids Inc. is then you're either too old or too young.  I have no problem with them modeling themselves after a Serena Gomez or Demi Lovato.. Well wait a minute, Demi's in rehab cause she's a cutter, Still these aren't the worst people in the world.  Ill take that over my kids being all EMO.  You know what im talking about, the kids that dye their hair black, wear eyeliner and listen to bands like Slipknot and Mudvayne.  These kids whose entire world is dark, brooding and filled with despair because no one understands them.  I find these kids the most interesting.  I always see them at the mall wearing their Doc Martens and jeans that either look way to tight (especially at the ankle area) or they're huge and have tons of pockets and zippers all over.  Then there's the lip piercings, WTF is that? 

     These are all styles I struggle to comprehend.  Maybe that's why I find it so hard to shop for myself.  I like jeans and T-Shirts.  Call me old fashioned. 

How do you Uninstall a Hammer on your Laptop???????

Argh I tell ya people, I have had it!!  This laptop of mine is pushing me to the brink of madness!  So one day Itunes just decides to up and quit on me, next my laptop is slower than molasses in January..  So I start troubleshooting, googling ideas, answers and remedies.  Hell, I even went to that MyCleanPC.com website and downloaded their software.  Small product drop here but my Internet speed is back to normal and runs fast.  So Ill give them that.  Now back to the ITunes dilemma.  I find out that I had some virus and I had to resinstall Framework and THEN uninstall every bit of Apple software on my LT, then reinstall it and according to the web geeks that should resolve the Error 7 (Windows Error 999) problem I keep getting.  OK, boom!  Got rid of it all.  While doing this I watched one of my Animated movies (Batman & Superman: Apocalypse.)  I highly recommend it if that's your thing.  I'm a big child, sue me.  Anyway back to my issue, so its gone.  I go to Apple.com and get the new software, install it, load it and sit back all happy thinking I'm some kind of super genius and just when I'm about to get misty eyed and get my itunes back... Nope.. This time it just fails with one of those  'Windows encountered an error while trying to start it, we're gonna send an error report.'  Side Note: where the hell does that report go to and does anyone ever read it and get back to you???  I highly doubt it. 

I did about 3 times, even tried an older version of ITunes thinking its possibly due to my laptop being older than Christ.  Nah that didn't work either.  My goal was to get this working so come Xmas time I can get an IPad rather than a new laptop.  But noooooooooooo...  I cant get no damn cooperation!  I might call apple support and listen to some 20 year old kid tell me what a dumb ass I am and fix my shit in less than 10 minutes but I'm not sure my ego can take it.

I'm gonna just resign to the fact that my laptop is allergic to apple and is rejecting it. 

Not at the table Carlos..

Maybe its just me but I have a pretty big abundance of patience when it comes to my children but other peoples kids, yeah not so much..   So Im having lunch today with my boss and we are in this restaurant and there's a crying toddler that won't settle down no matter how hard his mother tries to calm him down.  Now he's at the age where he can scream but he can't talk.  So while his mothers back is towards me I make eye contact with the little bastard and mouth the words "SHUT UP!" to him and make a face at him and point my fork so he knows that I mean it.  He got wide eyed and shut right up then and there.  Now am I a bad guy?  I dont think so, in my opinion that lady should give me a thank you or something.  It just seems this happens to me all the time, the other day at Exxon while I'm getting gas this lady in a minivan is parked next to me with her window down and a screaming kid inside.  Again, she looks away I look inside and the kid looks at me and I make a threatening face and mouth silently SHUT UP and boom...  A calmness rushes over the child.  Then the mom says "Oh good girl..."  Good girl my ass, ya need to thank the big bald dude scaring your child into silence.  If I wasnt doing what I do, I think I could work in a daycare..

Bad Movies

For some reason I really like what are considered "Bad Movies"..  For instance Im once again up watching Wild Wild West... Now everyone knows this movie was a collossal bust as far as movies go and is considered a hiccup in the epic career that is Will Smith's.  Nevertheless, this movie comes on I watch it.  I guess I enjoy the onscreen back and forth between Jim West and Artimis Gordon played by the highly underrated Kevin Kline.  I suppose I could man up and put on the Monday night football game but I dont like the Steelers or the Bengals and could care less about the outcome.

OK well here's another example, Wild Wild West is now over and I'm flipping channels and look what else is on. Another failure of a movie considered horrible by most but has an underground cult like following.  I'm talking about none other than Howard The Duck!!!  How can you not get a kick out of this movie??  Lea Thompson branching out on her own, trying to set the world ablaze with her own franchise.  Tired of playing second fiddle to Michael J. Fox and his Back to the Future franchise she sets out and defies her agent and takes the role as Beverly, young musician aspiring for greatness but comes across an alien life form in the shape of a midget duck.  Toss in some Tim Robbins and the Principal from Ferris Bueller's day off and you have yourself a blockbuster right???  FAIL!!!  George Lucas may be a god in the Sci Fi world but this was a swing and a miss.  Still its a train wreck and I cant change the channel.  Plus whats with the sexual innuendo between Howard and Beverly?  Perhaps this is some kind of window into the mind that is George Lucas?  Perhaps he has some kind of bestiality fantasies he's letting loose on the world?  I dunno, personally I think I'm just really tired. 

Hello All!

I,  like everyone else in the world do the Facebook thing and I didn't get into the Twitter thing but decided to do the Blogging thing.  I have way to much on my mind and its way to random for the confines of Facebook.  Here I shall dive into the random, here I shall share my thoughts while pumping gas.  Here I will divulge what I had for lunch and my body's reaction.  You'll either follow or you won't but I promise you this, once you see what's inside my mind, there's no turning back. 

First thought that comes to mind, the Chilean minor who was compelled to run in the NYC marathon.  I know if I were trapped underground for 70 days the first thing Id wanna do is run 26 miles and further torture my already withered body.  Ahhh yes, what a testament to the human spirit!