Gangs dont seem so scary nowadays..

     Maybe Im getting old but when I was growing up gangs were gangs.  Guys in wife beaters representin' their streets, their colors, their whatever.  You generally steered clear of them.  They were in the news for violence and other crimes that were frightening to think about.  In this, Hollywood used these happenings as baselines to create movies.  Boyz N the Hood, Menace II Society, Colors and other various type films that painted the picture of street violence and how it effected communities and their youth.  Nowadays.. You better put your son or daughter in dance class at an early age if you want them to survive the mean streets of whatever..



Step up!!

I mean seriously??  Can you imagine running into this gang in an alley and all of a sudden watching this well choreographed display of STOMP going on in front of you?  Do you hand them your purse or give them a dollar in the bucket that should be around there somewhere?  WTF?



Usually when I was a kid if you saw a bunch of people in a circle Oooooooo'ing and Ahhhhhhhh'ing it was cause a couple of thugs were going at it..  Now its like "Yo!! Did you see homeboy's sweet pivet step step pivot, leap, backflip then fall into hip hop pose??!!  That was off the chain!"  Oh it gets better..  Lets not stop at dancing.



Now it gets rough son!  Betcha we sing better than ya'll!  BRING IT!  Now kids are meeting at abandoned YMCA Pool rec centers to get their SING ON!  And if you dont Harmonize dont come at all!


Im pretty happy I grew up when I did because I can't dance worth a damn and when it comes to singing, Im only up to it when ive had plenty of liquid courage and its karoake night at the local bar..  Other than that, I guess I wont be getting jumped in.  Which sparks the question, how do you get 'IN' to the sing a long gang or the moonwalk kids?  Do you stand within a circle and sing and have an American Idol type judge set up? 

Next there will be comedy gangs who spit bad jokes at eachother.. Math gangs who throw out ridiculous equations at one another..  Oh the humanity!

Just so the 2012 kids know.. We were in Dance Gangs way before you were a sparkle in your dads eyes!



TKO crew!!!!

Later, I gotta go save the local youth community center by organizing a dance festival..

Dueces!

Id be the worst medium/psychic ever..

    One of my pet peeves is my need to know.  Once I focus on something and usually its something trivial or not important, I cant rest until I know.  The other night I swore up and down I spotted a guy from the news and I racked my brain for hours trying to think of his name.  So what do I do?  I start googling every news anchor in the Dallas-Fort Worth area until I find him and sure enough it was Evan Andrews with Channel 4 news, then I go the extra mile and email the guy verifying if that was him, he writes me back saying yeah that was me and next time just come over and say Hi!  True Story.. Well it looked like he was on a date with a young lady and didnt wanna be that guy sooooo... yeah...

Anyway, it leads me into my subject.  Recently ive been watching these shows on mediums who give readings.  Im a complete skeptic and as Dr. Sheldon Cooper would say, "Its just a bunch of hokum!" 



So I watch this lady and everywhere she goes, shopping mall, bowling alleys, McDonalds drive thrus she gets forced by the spirits to reach out and touch someone and let them know that their loved ones are here watching while they eat their big mac or try to pick up that 7-10 split.  So Im sitting there and and I listen to her ask the questions like "Who here had a loved one die?"  I know, very deep.  Then follows up with other feeler type questions like, "Was this person suffering for awhile?"  So it hits me, why these non specific questions?  If my loved one is really coming through why not just say, Hey so and so is telling me to tell you hello?  I dont like it when she does stuff like "Why is this person showing me a leash??"  Then the baffled bystander is like OMG my mom loved taking her dog for a walk!  You are some kind of wizard!  No..  No maam!  Id want to believe but come on, give me something more then that.  Then when she does tell them something only they would know they dont ask questions!  Which drives me nuts!

     First thing out of my mouth would be, Ok be specific.  What are you doing on the otherside?  Are you watching me the whole time?  If you do that kinda creeps me out especially if Im showering or sleeping.  Is the whole Jesus and the holy spirit legitimate?  If so, why are you not in heaven?  If there is no heaven or hell what is it, just wandering around the earth finding these mediums and hoping they come across me so you can say hello?  Can you tell me where those missing socks go in the dryer?  Can you hook me up with some lottery numbers?  Can you watch Warren Buffett behind closed doors and pass on to me some stock tips?  Did you understand the ending to Lost?  Have you seen Elvis?  Are the dogs weve had up there too?  Are you waiting to get reincarnated?  Are we all in the Matrix?  What do you do for fun? 

     I think thats why Id be terrible if I had those powers, Id ask real questions.. Yes yes, youre at peace thats great but I have a few questions.  Ive dabbled in the possibility of going to see a medium here in Dallas just because I think no one can convince me and Id have to see for myself because if theres one thing I can spot from a mile away is bullshit.  Its for that fact that Im curious.  Plus I really wanna know if skipping out on church all these years will come back on me in the afterlife.

   

Make Love, Not War..

     Isnt that what all those hippies used to say back in the 60's and 70's?  I used to think war was a serious thing, a bad thing.  Nowadays it seems a little less intimidating, everything in our pop culture world has been labeled as a war and if war isnt in the title, the show certainly feels like some kind of fued.  If I happen to watch a reality show and there isnt come kind of backstabbing or bickering I lose interest.  Who wants to see people coming together and working well with eachother and off camera giving endearing comments about eachother??  No one!  Have you ever seen Dance Moms??  All those bitches hate eachother and they hate the instructor (Abby Lee Miller) who they PAY!  Yes they pay this lady thousands upon thousands of dollars to belittle them and their children at her very whim!  Here's my issue with this.
 This lady doesnt look like any dancer ive ever seen and she dont look like she's light on her feet.  ~Give me that old soft shoe...  LOL yeah right.  Having her teach my kids how to dance is like having her be my personal trainer at the gym.  Same thing goes for that other disgusting show, Toddlers and Tiaras.  These women are psychotic, there is truly something wrong with them and the way they parade their children around like dolls.  Not to mention most of these little girls need to be beaten severely.  The way they talk and act towards their parents.. OMG I just wanna punch em in the throat!  Then behind the scenes you hear adults talk about other peoples kids as if they were little tramps and hookers.  I dont watch these shows, my wife does and unfortunately I have to listen to it when Im in the room or while Im sleeping. Its a subconcious thing.

Which brings me to my shows.. Shows that involve WAR!  What is war?  Well lets define it via Websters dictionary.  WAR: a (1) : a state of usually open and declared armed hostile conflict between states or nations (2) : a period of such armed conflict (3) : state of war b : the art or science of warfare.



Love this show, yeah the title cracks me up but hey, Its war when Dave Hester (Total jackass) yells YUUUUUUUUUUP!  I like how none of them really like eachother, drive the price up on lockers on purpose to the other has to pay more and when its all said in done they bash one another for their lack of findings.  Humanity at its best. 



Never watched this one but the title grabs my attention, these guys are fighting the whalers.. You know, the whole SAVE THE WHALES but Shoot the Seals routine..  Its a noble cause I guess, Im a little indifferent to it.  I dont really care.  Whats the saying?  There are plenty of fish in the ocean..



Wars about beards people.. Ive seen the commercials for this hillbilly hair showdown..  These guys actually talk shit about eachothers beards and mustaches..  Mines longer and thicker!  Oh yeah well mine has my body and bounce!  Really? 



Did ya ever think youd see the day where the show its pretty much UHAUL Wars?  I can see it now, if I were on this show my slogan for my shipping business would be, 'Take this job and Ship it!'  Catchy no?  The premise is 6 guys trying to obtain jobs shipping unusual things and turning a profit.  This is only as interesting as their personality and what they are hauling.. How many giant gnomes could their possibly be to transport?  Dont people already do this with their MOBILE homes???  Why is this a show?



Hello, Im Deadliest catch only its not crab.. Next up, Tuna Wars!  Followed by Red Snapper Wars!  Set your DVRs folks and dont miss another exciting episode of Crawfish Wars!  What in the hell!? 

They have all these interesting jobs they showcase, alligator hunters, bug exterminators, antique pickers.. Hell they even got guys that make cakes.  Ya notice that theres nothing else on other than these shows or the other shows that involve gay men that make sure we all know that we dont know jack shit about fashion or interior design?  This is why I die a little bit inside when football season is over.  Im going to sit down and hash out some ideas for shows that I can relate to.

Outsourcing Wars!  This show depicts how Indian companies vie for local American jobs by showing the fat cats of corporate America how much money they can save by shipping their IT department and help desks over seas and paying some guy named Muhammed (But goes by Rick when working a call) pennies on the dollar.

Weightlifting Wars!  A group of guys seeing who has the toughest work out routine and who can ultimately bench press the most! 

Video Game Wars!  A series of nerds fight to see who is the biggest, baddest and toughest in the world of warcraft and we the audience find out that and how they have no idea what a girl is..

Library Wars!  See as these librarians file, check in and check out books like the wind!  See who can collect the most revenue for their branch in late fees! 

Dog Grooming Wars!   Rush to your TVs to see how these groomers go head to head to see who can get this Poodle ready the fastest and in the best way possible for the upcoming Dog Show!  Gripping!

Buffet Wars!  Watch as this Obese family takes on another set of Klumps to see who can eat their weight in Dumplings and Fried Rice at the local Grand China Buffet! 

Now bear in mind It took me all of 5 minutes to think of that shit.. How long do you think these TV Producers spend on the crap on tv that exists!?

Studies show a pill may help...

     Whether its anger issues or depression or whatever I may have issues period.  Things just randomly bother me.  I watch people, I notice habits and even though ive been told in the past by my peers to just "Focus on yourself", I dont.  I hate that.  If I just focus on myself doesnt that make me selfish and uncaring?  Im not a narcissus.. (Did I spell that right?)  Anyway, people who take breaks before their lunch break bother me, women who abuse the rules set at work where dress codes are set bother me.  People who think deodorant should be a choice not a standard practice, bother me.  Its not just work or people I know, it's people I dont know as well.  People who take their babies out in 50 degree weather in nothing but a onesy.  People who drift into my lane while talking on their cell phone bother me.  Cops who pull me over and think im a serial killer from Kansas bother me.. 

I think its my inner Melvin Udall in most cases only I dont feel I suffer from misanthropy because I like people in general, im a people person but I dont like a whole lot of people.  Maybe this is as good as it gets for me.


"Im a disgrace to depression.."  I love this movie because its filled with one liners and im a sucker for a one liner.  There's a specific part where Melvin brings up medication..

Melvin Udall: Don't be pessimistic, it's not your style. Okay, here I go: Clearly, a mistake. I've got this, what - ailment? My doctor, a shrink that I used to go to all the time, he says that in fifty or sixty percent of the cases, a pill really helps. I *hate* pills, very dangerous thing, pills. Hate. I'm using the word "hate" here, about pills. Hate. My compliment is, that night when you came over and told me that you would never... all right, well, you were there, you know what you said. Well, my compliment to you is, the next morning, I started taking the pills.
Carol Connelly: I don't quite get how that's a compliment for me.
Melvin Udall: You make me want to be a better man.

I see that and I wonder, does a pill really make all your bad idiosyncracies go away?  Will it reshape my view on things and not have such disdain for everyday things?  For example and I know Im in the wrong here but... I just want to say, I love my parents.  Love em!  They are both unique individuals who have shaped me into who I am today.  I have my quirks but Im not in prison so YAY MOM and DAD!  Anyway, I always get the call to come over and help my father hang shit up or do something that requires heavy lifting, tape measuring, nailing, hooking up, taking apart, selling online etc.. I hate doing this shit in my own home and avoid it at all costs, what makes you think I wanna stop what Im doing on my day off and come over and do it at your house??  I make the stupid mistake of pointing this out to my mother who comes back with the usual "I gave birth to you and it wasnt easy" speech.. She wins.. I mean what can you say to the bearer of your soul when she plays that trump card?  Plus my parents love to redecorate and take down old shit and buy new shit and then call me because I have the SUV that all this new shit can fit into..  This is why I stopped buying trucks.  I dont wanna help people move nor do I wanna deliver shit that dont fit in the back of the Lexus..  But ok.. I have to be a good son.. The good child..  Just do it I tell myself..  My reward?  I get my pick of the old shit they dont want.  Do I want it?  Not really but ok.

I avoided a huge fight with my mother by just saying to myself that hey shes right, she helps me out all the time, and she does.  So im gonna do the right thing and go pick up her new shit and help her hang it up and tell her it looks great and be on my way.. What sucks is IM NOT an only child.  I have siblings.. Where are they?  Nevermind, thats a different rant all together.