How do you Uninstall a Hammer on your Laptop???????

Argh I tell ya people, I have had it!!  This laptop of mine is pushing me to the brink of madness!  So one day Itunes just decides to up and quit on me, next my laptop is slower than molasses in January..  So I start troubleshooting, googling ideas, answers and remedies.  Hell, I even went to that MyCleanPC.com website and downloaded their software.  Small product drop here but my Internet speed is back to normal and runs fast.  So Ill give them that.  Now back to the ITunes dilemma.  I find out that I had some virus and I had to resinstall Framework and THEN uninstall every bit of Apple software on my LT, then reinstall it and according to the web geeks that should resolve the Error 7 (Windows Error 999) problem I keep getting.  OK, boom!  Got rid of it all.  While doing this I watched one of my Animated movies (Batman & Superman: Apocalypse.)  I highly recommend it if that's your thing.  I'm a big child, sue me.  Anyway back to my issue, so its gone.  I go to Apple.com and get the new software, install it, load it and sit back all happy thinking I'm some kind of super genius and just when I'm about to get misty eyed and get my itunes back... Nope.. This time it just fails with one of those  'Windows encountered an error while trying to start it, we're gonna send an error report.'  Side Note: where the hell does that report go to and does anyone ever read it and get back to you???  I highly doubt it. 

I did about 3 times, even tried an older version of ITunes thinking its possibly due to my laptop being older than Christ.  Nah that didn't work either.  My goal was to get this working so come Xmas time I can get an IPad rather than a new laptop.  But noooooooooooo...  I cant get no damn cooperation!  I might call apple support and listen to some 20 year old kid tell me what a dumb ass I am and fix my shit in less than 10 minutes but I'm not sure my ego can take it.

I'm gonna just resign to the fact that my laptop is allergic to apple and is rejecting it.